Sex and the City 2

Last night I set my alarm for 8:30 am so I could get up to get ready and go to the early bird viewing of Sex in the City 2.

My boyfriend hogged the bathroom for so long, I kept on yelling hurry up, I need to take a shower!!! Nada the man would not come out, maybe he didn’t want me to go, but I was determined! Come on I have the entire Sex in the City collection including the movie, and soon the new one too when it comes out on DVD of course, so I am going Mr.!!!

I left the house at 9:54 am and the movie was starting at 10:15 am; I got there at 10:07 am. I was hauling ass on the freeway, but I made it. I want the movie now, and so ready to watch it again, ah I want it now!

Every time I watch a scene from Sex in the City, I want to find a love like that, something that is true love and full of passion! Like what Jesus and I once had, I really miss that. I am not going to ruin the movie for you, all I can say that it was awesome, and I didn’t want it to end. I miss being in love and feeling that passion.

Yes, Like Carrie said, all relationships are different and can set up their own rules, but the relationship in which I am in now is missing the spark, and the passion. I guess because the LOVE is just not there! How do you tell someone who loves you, you have tried, but it’s just not working out?

I miss wanting to kiss and touch with passion! It’s an awesome feeling to hug and kiss the man you love; instead I’m doing the run around and feel like yelling and running off screaming! On my way back home from the movie theater, as I was turning onto my street, this handsome Mexican cowboy put down his window and threw me a kiss while nodding his hand hello; I smiled and flirted back. I was flattered and loved the attention! This also makes me realize that I am not happy with my relationship, because if I were, I would not be interested in other men I see in the street. What to do? I guess it will all be decided in time, I just hope it is sooner than later.

Older makes you wiser...

Greeting earthlings!

Yesterday I started reading my free book from Book Sneeze; I was so excited to finally have the time to get started on it. In about an hour I read 4 chapters; I just could not put it down; I am practically almost done with the entire book. It really made me think about how I lived my life before, how I live my life now, and how I will live it later when I get older.

Dale talks about her career, of what she did as a young business owner, wife, and mother. She talks about the constant business trips and the constant busy schedule she once had. Now as an older woman she has learned what her second calling is and how to slow down; she now has many adventures that have left her great heart warming satisfactions. Dale makes great points, and makes total sense of what she says about God doing the things he does for a reason. I my self always thought that way, but not exactly as she puts it! I have learned how to admire her will to help others and help woman around the world be strong and understand that when we get older it’s because that is the way God wants us to be, and that we are beautiful not from our outer appearance, but from our inner self, God has a purpose for our soul and why he put us on earth.

Anyway long story short; reading through the chapters has truly made me think. Now I know I’m not the only one who thinks things do happen for a reason; they happen to make us stronger; to learn to appreciate what we have, and learn from the hardships of life. Like Dale says, it is for the purpose to use later in your true calling for when you grow older and closer to God! I am now curious to know what my second calling truly is.

I’m almost done with school, and I’m so very excited about it, but now I wonder if this will help me find my true calling? What is my purpose of being here on earth for? I guess we will find out eventually. What do you think your true calling might be? Please share you insights, Have a blessed day!

Break-Ups

Hello my fellow readers,

I'm doing great or at least I think I am, never can tell; my mood can change very quickley!  I was thinking about what to write and then it came to me "Break-ups!"  The reason why this came to mind was, because last night my 9 year old son Alexandro came up to me after seeing a commercial on TV about a girl breaking up with a guy; he said, "mommy break-ups are hard hu? mommy break-ups make people suffer a lot, and all because us men can't let go of our pride and be understanding to what the woman is feeling." 

I stood there starign into his beautiful black eyes in plain shock on the fact that the 9 year old standing in front of me saw it from a woman's point of view of how difficult realationships can be.  He says "mommy how many break-ups have you had in your life time?" I started to wonder and went back in time to count, my answer was about ten times which included those relationships that were not too serious anyway.  My little boy looked at me and said "mommy I am so sorry you have suffered through the painful stress of break-ups, you are a wonderful woman and you will make a great lover" LOL My kid says the darnest things!  I was not expecting that!

Then Alex says "mommy why does life have to be so complicating?" I said, "son I have been asking myself the same question for as long as I know."  He kissed my cheek and said, "I love you mommy" and dosed off into the hall playing with his sord.  He did not realize how in shock he left me.  I was like wow!

It amazed me on how much a kid can know, how intelangent, and obserbate they can be! He asked me if he would know how to find a wife when he grew up. My response was, "Son it will come in time, for know don't worry about things like that and have fun being a kid" he said, "ok mommy" and just left on to go play.

Things like this make you wonder, if a child can see these things, why can't us as adults realize what happens around us?  Sometimes we live our life with our eyes completly closed to the realiatiy we live in!  I love you Alex.

Two Month Anniversary

So it is here, another month together! It has not been the best or the worst I have had; relationships have their ups and downs, and I guess that is just the way it goes. I have to be sincere, I do not believe I love him; I don’t think I will be able to. I still love Jesus; it is so difficult to understand how someone can still love a person so much even though they have died and physically is no longer here.
Alejandro is a sweet guy, don’t get me wrong; it’s just that I am used to rough guys and not the sensitive type. Sometimes it gets underneath my skin on how sensitive he is to things, come on I am a CANCER, and I am an expert on how to be sensitive, but come on! We cancers are very sensitive to certain issues, but he definitely tops the line! I honestly do not think our relationship will last to long. I really don’t feel too attached to him or have a close idea in my mind of a forever with him!
Like Forest Gump says “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get” I sure as hell didn’t know what I as going to get; now I am just living life as it goes and waiting for whatever God will might be, if it works it works, and if it doesn’t then we will each go our separate ways. I guess we will just have to wait to see what happens next.

My Sadness..

This morning while I was driving to work, the sadness once again touched my heart deeply; the memory of Jesus once again came to me. I cried all the way to work; even though I wanted to stop, the tears would just roll down. I feel a deep sadness in my heart and I don't think it will ever go away! I think about him every single day; the image of is face is in my mind like if he were still standing in front of me. Some days like today when the sadness enters my soul, I wish I were with him now, then I wake up and realize I need to be here and keep on going for or son; our son needs me. Even though I know our son needs me, a great part of me really doesn't want to be here! I want to be under the same land he is now.

When I die, I would like to be buried in Mexico to rest by his side, to rest in the place where we last were together and were happy! I have decided to be buried in Matachic, Chihuahua, Mexico. I don't think I can ever love again! No one can or will be able to replace the love we felt for one another, it was so great nothing will even break that bond. Even though his body is no longer here, I know he's soul continues on and is always watching over us. The love we had for each other was so great and still is so great not even death can break it. Even though when he was alive we went through rough patches we never stopped caring and loving one another; us together made a whole, and when apart we both felt like a half. That is the way I feel now, alone and as a half! No one can take my pain away. The pain makes me realize how much I truly loved him, how much I still love him, and that I am so very lucky to know what love is. My advice to everyone is to love deeply now if you are blessed to still have your loved ones still here on earth; take advantage of that and don't waste time fighting or with resentments. Live life to the fullest.

He Exists...

Every morning I listen to my Spanish station on the radio "Recuerdo 106.3" while I take a shower and get ready. I love listening to my Spanish music while I get ready; it makes my morning more pleasant and it gives me a boost to start the day.  Normally the radio announcers say stupid things that just make me laugh; or they say something in which I know is wrong, and I end up arguing with the radio. Me arguing with the radio makes my son totally crazy; he says, "mom who are you arguing with?", and all I can say no one babe, I'm just fighting with the radio.

Today something they shared with us truly touched my soul, and it stayed in deep down; it even made me cry while I was putting on my eyeliner. They shared a story of a little girl that lives in Mexico. This couple lived in Mexico and were atheist; they had a daughter and never talked to her about religion, Jesus, or God.  At the age of 5 years old the little girls parents had an argument in which lead her father to kill her mother then committed suicide right in front of her.  The girl was put up for adoption. A lady who was not able to have children took her in, her adoptive mother put her in catholic school. On her first day of school her adoptive mother explained to the teacher the little girl's parents were atheist and she didn't know you Jesus was and to please have patients with her.  The class started and the teacher pulled out an image of Jesus and asked the class raise your hand if you know who this is.  The little girl raised up her hand; the teacher asked, "sweety you know who he is?'  She responded, "I don't know who he is, but he was hugging me on the night my parent's died." Hearing this story gave me chills of happiness.  I have never seen him either, but I know he is real and that he has helped me through the worst of situations. The faith in our hearts is what gives us hope each day!  God bless you.

Who I admire...

The following is a paper I wrote for school ,just thought I would share!

Abstract

Bill Richardson, New Mexico governor and president candidate for 2007-2008; was born in Pasadena, California. Bill Richardson was born in Mexico City, but his parents decided to send him to Massachusetts at the age of 13 to study at a preparatory school in the Boston area. Richardson was a baseball pitcher for Middlesex high School then later went to play for Tufts University. In Tufts he was a majored in French and political science. Later he earned a master’s degree from Tufts’ University, Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. When Bill was still in high school he got met his wife, Barbara Flavin and got married in 1972. Bill Richardson’s mother was Mexico and his father was from Nicaragua. His mother died in 1907, this is when Richardson and his two younger sisters moved from Nicaragua to Boston to live with their grandmother Vesta Hodsdon Richardson.

Bill Richardson’s Career

Bill Richardson was first elected to be New Mexico’s Governor in November 2002. He defeated the Republican candidate, John Sanchez. Bill took office starting January 2003 as the only Hispanic governor in the United States of America besides Governor Sila Maria Calderon from Puerto Rico. Richardson’s first year as governor he proposed to have tax cuts and promoted growth and investments which passed and a board personal and won statewide election to transfer money from the permanent states fund to pay for expenses and current projects.

In 2005, Bill Richardson provided $400,000 in life insurance coverage’s fro the New Mexico National Guardsmen who served active duty; he made New Mexico the first state to provide this benefit. Thirty-five states later then followed to provide the same benefit. In 2003 Richardson made and investment named (GRIP) Governor Richardson’s Investment Partnership to fund public projects throughout New Mexico. These included highway funds, brand new rail lines such as the Rail Runner which is used from Albuquerque, Bernalillo, Santa Fe, and Belen.

Bill Richardson was credited by Forbes for naming Albuquerque, New Mexico the best City in the United States for business and careers in 2006. Richardson was rated one of the most fiscally responsible Democratic governors in the nation by the Cato Institute. In summer 2003 the delegation from North Korea requested to meet with Richardson to discuss over the countries concerns of nuclear energy uses. The White house also requested Bill Richardson to fly over to North Korea in 2005 to meet with another delegation in 2006. Richardson was named as the Special Envoy for Hemispheric Affairs on December 7, 2006 for the secretary general of the Organization of America States with the mandate to promote dialogue on issues of importance to the region like immigration and free trade. Richardson made partner with the billionaire Richard Branson in order to bring tourism to Las Cruces, New Mexico in December 2005.

On November 7, 2006, Bill Richardson won his second election for Governor for the state of New Mexico. He won against the former New Mexico Republican John Dendahl; Bill had the highest in votes than any other gubernatorial election in the state’s history. Richardson was the one responsible for the ban of cockfighting in New Mexico. In December 2006, he signed a bill which would end the cockfighting in New Mexico.

Governor Bill Richardson decided to sign a bill of law to legalize marijuana for the purposes of medicine in the state of New Mexico in the last legislative session; this made New Mexico the 12th state to legalize. Richardson stated he was not worried of having this decision harm his presidential election because he believes it was the right to have done.
United States Ambassador

Bill Richardson was named the U.S Ambassador to the United Nations in 1997 by former Bill Clinton; he was in charge to represent the United States in the United Nations. Richardson was also named U.S Secretary of Energy when he finished his ambassador back in 1998. He held the U.S. Secretary of Energy until Clinton finished his administration. Richardson was asked to interview Monica Lewinsky for a job position for the United Nations, he did and she declined according to his autobiography.

Education Beliefs

Bill Richardson called out for the minimum wage stand up to $40,000 a year for all teachers. He also called No Child Left Behind Act in a debate done on August 19th, 2007.
Conclusion

Bill Richardson has been elected Governor of New Mexico because the people believe in him; he gets done what he promises. He has been a great politician; this is why Bill Clinton confided on him with major responsibilities. Richardson believes in the rights of all people and takes our children’s education very seriously. Bill Richardson’s main concern is always to help the American people. This governor has touched the lives of many people and would be an excellent president as he has been the best governor for the state of New Mexico.

References

Irvine, Reed and Cliff Kincaid. (Aug. 1998) “Bill Richardson Caught in Clinton Undertow".

Media Monitor. Retrieved from http://www.aim.org/media_monitor/A3548_0_2_0_C/

Pickler, Nedra, (May 2007) “Richardson declares presidential campaign”. The Denver Post. Retrieved from http://www.denverpost.com/politics/ci_5950108,

New Mexico State Investment Council. (2007) “Council Members: Governor Bill Richardson”. Retrieved from http://www.sic.state.nm.us/governor.htm

Santa Fe New Mexican. (Dec. 2006) “Governor will support a ban on cockfighting”. Retrieved from http://www.freenewmexican.com/news/54348.html

KRQE News 13. (March 2007) “Cockfighting Outlawed”. Retrieved from http://www.krqe.com/

Baker, Deborah. (March 2007) “Santafenewmexico.com” Retrieved from http://www.freenewmexican.com/news/58643.html

Bill Richardson for Presidential Exploratory Committee. (Jan. 2007) “RichardsonForPresident.com News Room”. Retrieved from http://action.richardsonforpresident.com/page/content/20070121a/
Falcone, Michael. (Nov. 2007) “Richardson Classifies Gay Gaffe”. New York Times. Retrieved from http://thecaucus.blogs.nytimes.com/2007/08/10/richardson-clarifies-gay-gaffe

Dreaming the World is Ending

 Those who know me, know I am a very superstitious person! Lately I have been having these crazy dreams. I have always believed that our dreams are a way in connecting to an outer dimension or are signs of what can or will happen in the near future. I believe all our dreams are a tool of communication of some sort; I don't know how it works, but what I do know is that it happens.

In the dream I have been having lately; the world ends!! Very scary stuff. In the my dream my son, my ex-boyfriend Cesar, and I are in a restaurant having lunch and all of a sudden the sky starts to get black. When we leave the restaurant there are tons of people walking and running through the streets. People are breaking things, fighting against each other, and causing fires. There is a lot of arguing and grief all around. My son starts to get scared, and asks, "Mommy what is happening; is it time mommy?" The only thing I can respond is I don't know babe, I think so!

When we get home, our house is completely destroyed and there is nothing left of it. We leave and try to find refuge; we pass security and sneak into a white building. There is a door with stairs and a ladder is attached after the stairway ends: we climb up the ladder and end up in a huge conference room where there already is a couple of people sitting in the corner scared as we were. The conference room we are in is all made of windows and we can see what is happening outside; people are fighting, arguing, and killing each other. Everything is Dark, there is no light, and it is so very cold. Hours later the ground starts to shake, and buildings begin to fall down. The windows from the conference room were we were at, start to break with the impact of the earthquake; the building starts to tilt down to the right and we begin to slide down. Cesar holds on to a pool attached to the wall; Alexandro and I hold on to him and begin to yell and cry. We begin to tilt more and more; when we are about to fall out of the window, I wake up.

I truly do not know what this dream means; I have a dream dictionary at home, but it is kind of difficult to search on it since it focuses more on just one event, and not on different occurrences, so I decided to surf the internet for some answers, conclusions, or at least for an opinion on what it could mean. I found this website called dream interpretation-End of The World written by a psychologist named Hope. Hope suggests the dream means suffering, anxiety, and depression. I guess this can be right since I have been feeling this way for a long time; and how not to feel this way; with all the things that happened in my life recently, it is hard not to. I have suffered through illnesses, my child having a surgery, and going through the pain of losing the greatest love of my life! I guess I will just have to deal with the fact that I will be having these kind of dreams till until I can cope with my sadness. I have been taking my depression medication and have been feeling better. Maybe it is an unconscious situation in which I truly don't feel happy on the inside, even though I try to trick my mind that I am.

All I can do is hope for a good outcome...

Happy 27th Birthday (July 2009)

 Every year I write a summary of one more year. Last year it was like being born again, I turned 27 years old, but it was like starting a whole new life again. In 2008 I passed my 26th birthday sick in the hospital with Cancer. I was not able to celebrate it that year, I prayed to God everyday to give me the opportunity to gain my health again; to keep me here and alive, and you know what? He did, God blessed me with the strength to keep on fighting and the greatest birthday gift he have me was to continue being here on earth. I am very grateful for all the blessings God has provided me with. Turning one more year was the greatest gift he could give me! My Cancer came out negative and I feel better than ever; I have always believed that God always does things for a reason; what happened to me has made me change for the better. I no longer notice the little things; the problems or the things I can not resolve; with time God will take care of them. Why worry about the things we can not change now, just has faith and they will soon have a resolution. Until then live life and be happy.

I have learned that resentment doesn’t take us anywhere, and forgiveness opens doors and greater opportunities. I have learned to live life to the maximum, and make as much friends as possible; friendship is worth the while. If I can help a friend just with a smile or with a simple advice, I feel complete. I have to admit that before, I always used to worry about everything; that I wanted a new house that because mine is falling down, more money to pay the bills, a savings in the bank of Alex’s college. Now I appreciate and give thanks for the things I do have. If in the near future something better comes, I will receive them with open arms and will gladly appreciate them, but the tomorrow no one knows what it will bring; therefore we must appreciate what we have now. Of course we also have to strive and work hard in order to reach our dreams, but those will soon arrive with time. My house may be poor, but it is rich with love, and I am thankful to have a roof over my head and have a place to live in; there are people who are not as fortunate as me to have what I have.

I thank God for the lesions he has provided me with in order to open up my eyes to see and to realize what truly is important and is worth the while; to leave the little things behind in which don’t matter. I have learned to live my present, forget about the past, and not to think about tomorrow. Life is beautiful and we all decide how we want to live or see it. I strived really hard to be here, I know that miracles do happen; I have lived through them; I’ve seen them through me. Alone or with a love I am happy! I have learned that no one completes me as person; yes it is true that having the love of a partner is beautiful; to have someone who loves and respect you is totally awesome, but I have also learned that first we first must learn to complete ourselves and love ourselves before we can love somebody else; if a love comes it will not be to complete me as a person, but to share a healthy relationship filled with love and respect.

At the moment I don’t have a job but I know God has blessed me with many other things far more important, and I know he will soon help me find a job in which I can be proud of. I now have completed 3 years towards my career and with the help of God by next year I would have completed my degree; I know that is how it will be! Thank you God for providing me many blessings in my life; you have given me health and the opportunity to be here; to take care of what is most precious to me; my beautiful baby! Alexandro I love you mijo; even though you say you are now 8 years old and that you are a big boy, you will always be my precious baby. God thank you for giving me true friendships; those who have been there through thick and thin and have blessed me with a smile or with their advice! Now I know I am not alone, I have God and lots of people who love me!

Now I know I am worth while and that life is precious; we must enjoy it to the maximum while we still can, because life is short to be worrying about stupid things that aren’t worth it. Live life like it is coming to you, if you had a bad day, imagine in your mind how you would have of wanted it to be, go to sleep happy, and tomorrow it will be another day full of new adventures and new experiences. Now I feel complete and happy every day and I owe it to my dear Lord that never let me give up and helped me keep my faith strong. When God takes something away, it is not to punish you, but he does it so you can open your hands to receive something better. God bless everyone and thank you for your friendship that you always provide me with. With all my heart thank you! Happy 27th Birthday Cristina*la*loca.

Mother’s Day…

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mommas out there! Hope you are enjoying your day. I certainly have enjoyed mine. I slept in late and have been here at home veging out. My son Alexandro who is 8 years old woke me up about 8:00 a.m. this morning; he said mommy open your eyes and then after you may go back to sleep if you want to. I was dreaming at the time, so it took me a while to open my eyes. Finally after fighting with the fact that I had to get up, I saw my little boy standing there waiting for me to see what he had ready for me. My little boy had made me a big Mother’s Day card and had gone to buy me roses; he said mommy Happy Mother’s Day, I made you this card at school, and Alejandro helped a little by taking me to Wal-Mart this morning to buy you these roses with the money I had saved up. My son gave me a kiss and told me how much he loves me; I said thank you and went back to sleep.

We went to bed late last night because we went to my best friend’s house; we stayed there until about 10:30 p.m. and still came home and watched the Lion King. I fell asleep on the couch towards the end of the movie; I don’t even remember how I got to my bed.

Friday evening was kind of interesting; if you can call it that. I went to the orthodontist for my consult, and I was certain he would say I did not need braces like my dentist had said, but unfortunately I was mistaking. They put braces on my top teeth and in a few months they put the bottom ones as well. It is not that my teeth are corked because they never have been, but my they state my bite is uneven, so they want to straighten my jaw. Wow the things in which I must go though now as an adult, because my parents never took me to the dentist as a child. My orthodontist is a really nice guy; also he is a very hot white guy!!! Hubba hubba lol. My son Alex was with me and caused an impression on Dr. Craig with all his smart talk that Dr. Craig decided to give him a free consultation and free x-ray’s; he said Alex needs braces as well, my baby will be getting them in about a month. At least he will have them on as a kid and not have to wait until he is 27 years old like me to find out he needs them. LOL Alex was not too thrilled with the idea, but I made him understand that his teeth are uneven and some are starting to hit the root and in the long run the doctor said he would lose them if he didn’t straighten them. Alex understood and agreed; he said he doesn’t want to end up like grandma with no teeth; I said the exact same thing, this is why I am following doctor’s orders to the top of the line. LOL.

That has been my exciting weekend news, and tomorrow back to work. Hope you all mothers out there are enjoying your Mother’s Day and have a fabulous coming week. God bless.

A Ghost between two worlds...

I'm sitting here thinking about my past and the great loss I have experienced, and in which I can not get over. I can not hide the pain, I can not love no more; I am just kidding my self. I miss my Chuy with all my heart, I think about him everyday and can't help feeling sad. I know everyone says I should move forward, but I can't. Even though I now have a boyfriend I can not love him; I have tried and I just can't!

Everything around me reminds me of what is no longer here and I can't confront this pain, I just want to stand up and scream to the top of my lungs. I know I can not stop feeling this pain that is killing me inside, but I know deep down it is going to end up hurting me more and more. Without notice I end up saying his name or remembering something he said or did and I don't click until I have already done it.

Maybe I am crazy, but the other night I felt truly sad remembering the good times and the great love we felt for each other. In the middle of the night while I cried myself to sleep, I felt a hand touch mine, I opened my eyes and no one was there, I closed my eyes once more and felt a hand caress my forehead. That touch felt like Jesus, I wish he were here. I miss him so much; all I can do now is pray for his soul to rest and for the pain to ease and for God to give me the strength to keep going forward until the day when we can be together again comes. I know we will be together again in heaven just that the wait is to hard to bare!