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Thursday, July 10, 2014

July, 10 2014

32 years Today ...
Today on waking in the holy land, my heart is filled with great excitement and gratitude to God for another year of life, a day of encouragement!

Today is a special day that reminds me that God is great, miraculous and merciful! This I decided to share with those who do not know God, to those who Don't know of his love and nobility, which do not know if you ask him in faith, he will listen! It is also very important that others pray for us with their prayers because they intercede for us with God. With prayers of our friends and family, he realizes they need us, they love us. Want proof? I have many, our lives as we know it is not insured, that is why today I want to share a few of my miracles with you, I say a few because these are not all of them 
Here you go ...

2005: Age of 23
Diagnosis: Brain Tumor
Resolution: A Brain Surgery
Outcome: Death during surgery
Miracle: * On a cold dark hallway I see when the doctor came to tell my family that I didn't survive the surgery, cries were heard and God gave me the option to return! I relived to raise my 4 year old son and to see him grow. Tumor removed without cancer, with complete recovery.

2008: Age of 26
Diagnosis: 2 cancers
Mucoepidermoid Carcinoma & Thyroid Cancer.
Resolution: Surgery and radiation
Outcome: 3 surgeries and radiation, Complete loss of calcium and thyroid glands that require many pills to take for life.
Miracle: * Survive three surgeries, overcame obstacles, had a holy boss who paid my salary for 6 months plus medical expenses so I could support my child while doing my treatment in Denver without working, he gave me support without receiving anything in return so I did not fail in my treatment, overcame the pain, fear, radiation, and vomiting. I beat cancer. God never left me alone when I felt more alone than ever, he made me stronger. In my darkest moments I never lost my faith. I'm still here to see my son grow up and that is a miracle. And even after all the hell, still being able to smile is a miracle!

2011: Age of 29
Diagnosis: Thyroid Cancer back angrier than ever, spreading through the vocal cords, neck, shoulders, and chest.
Resolution: Surgery that only a doctor could perform in Houston Texas and risking losing my voice, body movements, and even life itself.
Outcome: Obstacles of money to travel away from home, full of fear of not returning back alive.
Miracle: Although I saw the dark, I never lost my faith. I had the support of my dad, love of my life, and my son. The four of us traveled to meet the miraculous and wonderful doctor that all doctors here talked about,
Dr. Clayman at MD Anderson Cancer Center told me Cristina do not worry everything will be fine, I do this every day and God will not forsake us, and that's how it happened, 84 tumors were removed, my life and my voice saved again! God always listens, always with him first.

2013: Age of 31
Diagnosis: Thyroid Cancer back again.
Resolution: Surgery
Obstacle: 9 months of waiting without knowing what to do, pain, despair, death visits, stressful times without resolution.
Hope: Treating with natural herbs and marijuana while doctors decided what to do!
Outcome: Support from more people, friends, family, acquaintances, after messages, calls, they gave me strength when my faith was draining, strong words of encouragement gave me strength not to give in!
We traveled to Houston, Texas in February 2014, the doctor said he saw a worse factor in which there was a tumor in the back of the airway and it was necessary to do a biopsy under anesthesia and if it was malignant he would not have the expertise to do that surgery. More concerns were surrounding my mind but I never hesitated to talk to God nor my Virgin of Guadalupe. During anesthesia as I was asleep, I saw the most beautiful of all bright lights and I saw my Mamita, she said Mija Turn back, she was telling me it's not your time yet, wake up! I Listened to doctors who would tell me Cristina do not do this to us please wake up, listened but could not return, did not want to leave that beautiful peace that is felt there, I wanted to continue talking to my Mamita, she took my hand and I woke up, but I was so weak I could not speak, the doctors didn't know what to do, they said they did not want to worry my husband they would not say anything to him until I reacted. A basic procedure that was supposed to last about 2 hours lasted all day.
Miracle: The tumor from the biopsy was benign and the other we traveled for was smaller due to the treatment of marijuana. At this time the surgery would be more dangerous than the cancer, there was no surgery and we will keep watching for it to see if it grows, if it does we will take the risk at that time and not right now.

2014: Age 32
Diagnosis: Miracle of Life
Outcome: Live with God in your heart and no matter what obstacles life gives you, he will never leave you alone because he listens! If I died tomorrow I would not complain because I have lived longer than I thought to have lived, I'm full of life, happy and I have many that I love and that they love me. God has given me the good fortune to live in many hearts that with love will always Remember me. But I have faith that God still wants me to continue here fighting and battling some more here on earth and that's what I will do until the end!

Hallelujah to The Lord for today on my birthday although I do not have full health I'm still here, God gave me another year and I am happy, I have everything I need. There are people who drown in a glass of water and do not realize how beautiful life is, that money and material stuff is not the most important but is God, the true and sincere love, children and family, sincere friendships that give you their love. These things if you have them, you are the richest of all because money and things come and go and you can't take them with you! So today I celebrate the miracle of God, if you're still reading, May God bless you today and always. I love all of you ...

Happy Birthday Cristina ...
32 years full of blessings and what's left of them to come!
 — feeling she has a lot to say today.

Thursday, January 9, 2014

Last Night...

Last night Death came to visit me, she challenged me!  She told me see all the doors closing in on you, that is because that’s the way I want it and there is nothing you can do against my will, I am the ruler of life and the boss of when it ends, NOT YOU!

I couldn’t say a word; I just cried and cried like if someone I loved dearly had just passed away.

Last night was the coldest night I have experienced in all of my life, I felt alone, with no one to help me, no one to hug me, and no one to console me, I felt a knot in my throat that almost suffocated me.  Last night I understood Death is cold and without any feelings and when she arrives all you can feel is an intense loneliness.

I cried until dawn, when I woke up to go to work tears still shed from my eyes, my eyes were swollen and my soul is down low.  It’s not the first time Death visits me, but last night I understood the solitude of her message that said: “Whenever I want, loneliness will come to accompany you when I decide to take you with me, in that moment you will be nothing but a memory that crossed through this life, just a memory to those hearts you once touched during your lifetime, that is all you will be when I come back for you.

It’s now morning and my eyes still hurt from last night and with the desire to continue to cry, my soul and spirit are worn out.

I accept the challenge!  Last night I had a weak moment, but “FUCK YOU” because it is best to die fighting than for me to die like a coward!


I am CRISTINA RODRIGUEZ and if I was born trying, I will die fighting!


Anoche...


¡Anoche la muerte me visito, me reto!  Me dijo vez que todas las puertas se te están cerrando, eso es porque yo así lo quiero y no puedes hacer nada en contra de mi voluntad, yo reino la vida y yo soy la jefa de cuando termina, ¡NO TU! 

No pude decir nada, solo llore y llore como si alguien que amara mucho acababa de morir.

Anoche fue la noche mas fría que eh sentido en mi vida, me sentí sola, sin nadie quien me ayudara, abrazara o consolara, sentí un nudo en la garganta que casi me sofocaba.  Anoche comprendí que la muerte es fría y sin sentimientos que cuando llega solo se siente una inmensa soledad. 

Llore hasta la madrugada, cuando desperté para ir a trabajar aun brotaban lágrimas de mis ojos, mis párpados hinchados y mi alma por los suelos.  No es la primera vez que me visita la muerte pero anoche entendí la soledad en su mensaje que decía, cuando yo quiera vendrá la soledad para acompañar te para cuando te lleve conmigo, en ese momento ya no serás nada mas que un recuerdo mas que paso por esta vida, un recuerdo mas para los corazones que tocaste en esta vida, solo eso serás cuando yo regrese por ti. 

Aun mis ojos están dolorosos, con ganas de seguir llorando, mi alma y espíritu desgastados.

¡Acepto el Reto! Anoche tuve un momento de debilidad pero !Chinga tu Madre! Porque es mejor morir peleando, que morir como una cobarde!


!Yo soy CRISTINA RODRIGUEZ y si luchando nací, pelando me muero!


Monday, November 11, 2013

Cuando Llega la Noche...

Cuando llega la noche, la tristeza es mi ultima compañía, las lágrimas me las limpia la soledad y la oscuridad es mi agonía.

No ay noches mas oscuras que estas en cuando el frió congelan profundamente mi alma y el silencio de mi cama me recuerda que ya no estas y nunca el ayer regresara.

El fantasma de tu recuerdo me acaricia la cara mientras tu voz me susurré al oído que te deje ir…

Las lágrimas cubren mis ojos al saber que ya nada será igual; a quedado un profundo hueco en mi alma.  Mi mundo ahora es color de negro…


Y aunque mi cara la adorna una sonrisa de día; la noche sabe lo que de día esconde mi alma…

Entenderas

Corre tus dedos por mi alma,
de una vez, solo una vez,
siente exactamente lo que yo siento,
Cree lo que yo creo,
Percibe lo que yo percibo,
Mira, experimenta, examina,[
De una vez, una sola vez, y
Entenderas...

Friday, November 8, 2013

DUELE AMAR...

DUELE AMAR
(Dedicado a todos los que saben amar…)

Duele amar! Y aun duele mas amar a alguien que no te corresponde,
pero es mas doloroso amar a alguien y nunca encontrar el valor para decirle lo que sientes,
Tal vez el destino quiere que conoscas a unas cuantas personas equivocadas antes de conocer a tu pareja ideal,
Para que cuando la encuentres y la tengas a tu lado,
sepas valorar y agradecer ese maravilloso regalo que es el amor correspondido.
Nadie murió de amor y la vida sigue…

Despierta, levanta te y sigue por otros senderos,
Cada rosal tiene sus espinas y no porque te espines deja de ser hermoso.
Así es el amor aunque duele no deja de ser hermoso,
Si el ayer trae desilusión el mañana traerá una nueva ilusión,
Nada es para siempre, ni lo bueno ni lo malo,
así que si tienes lo bueno disfrutado porque no dura para siempre,
Si estas atascado en lo malo, no te atormentes que a cada tormenta se le termina la Lluvia y vuelve a salir el sol.
Cada mañana tiene su amanecer,
Cada día tiene su atardecer,
y así como cada noche tiene su luna tarde o temprano llegan las estrellas…
Salud al amor que aunque duele cada pulgada de tu cuerpo al sentir, vale la pena el dolor!

Los amo! Y no se me rajen!

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Kicking cancers ASS!

I'm Kicking cancers ASS! From May of 4.1 to September <0.09 NEGATIVE!!! And that was all me because I still don't have a doctor!!! Still not totally confirmed by a physician but I think cancer is minimizing according to my blood results, exciting news for me and my family...

This is all thanks to my Lord who is my great physician and is helping me fight this with his wonderful medicine MARIJUANA & CANNABIS OIL!!! In little as 2 months this awesome plant has started to cure me...

I'm stool not out of the woods, but I have more faith now than ever... I am very grateful and happy, I believe in God & know he will let me win this fight once again! Thanks to you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

FRUSTRATED With a capital F

On August 26, 2013 I was scheduled to see Dr. Edwards. I was really nervous to see a new doctor; the appointment lasted a little over an hour. It seemed like he really knows his stuff and my anxiety calmed down a little after talking to him. Dr. Edwards mentioned he could place me on a hormone to help control my low calcium and high thyroid levels; he said, he needed to look at my file with more detail and that he would get back to me on Tuesday; said that if I didn’t hear from him by that day to call his office on Wednesday. I left with a spark of hope that he was the one; the one that would help me through this torment I have been going through in order to get my cancer treatments going.

August 27, 2013 I waited for a call and nothing.

August 28, 2013 I called the office just like Dr. Edwards had suggested, I was told he was not in the office and they took a message. Later that morning Dr. Edwards called; he declined to be my doctor, he told me my case was too complicating and that I would have to continue seeing Dr. Galagan. He said he consulted with Dr. Galagan and that they both agreed this would be the best way to get treated. (Treated??? What treatment??? I haven’t even started on a treatment!!!!) Dr. Edwards said Dr. Galagan informed him that he had mentioned to me the same hormone he suggested of which he did NOT!!!! (Bullshit lies) Also that he told him I had missed an appointment with him, which is not true either; they never called me to schedule it and never returned my calls when I would call them.

I have no idea why he would make (this SHIT) up, but it is what it is I guess!!!!! I informed him I am having a hard time with Dr. Galagan’s office calling me back or helping me that this was the reason I paid him my New Patient COPAY and decided to see him and make him my doctor; he didn’t seem to care of what I had to say, he just told me to call their office and harass them to make me an appointment. I called Dr. Galagan’s office; I complained I needed to be seen soon, that they never called to make me my follow up appointment after my biopsy. After yelling and arguing with them I got in on a cancellation they had for September 3, 2013.

September 3, 2013 so today was the day I was supposed to see Dr. Galagan; I came into work and had a missed call on my cell then I logged into my computer and I had an email on MyChart and there was a notice my appointment for TODAY had been cancelled. I went back to the cellphone voicemail and it was to inform me my appointment was cancelled due to Dr. Galagan calling in for the entire week. WOW what news!!! This has been going on for the past 6 months!!!!! So it’s Tuesday September 3, 2013 and I still don’t have an appointment or a doctor that is willing to help me out!!!!!

Tomorrow September 4, 2013 I have a healing scheduled for several hours with two Curandera healers; maybe with the help of my Lord they can help me out because it seems like the doors are closing in on me and these doctors don’t want to help me out!!!!

I am starting to lose control of myself and my feelings…

It feels like there are just too many obstacles in my way.

One thing they cannot take away from me is my FAITH!!!!

Thursday, August 29, 2013

CUANDO YO MUERA

Cuando yo muera…
No quiero que llores…
Sino mas bien que te alegres…
Ya que estaré en paz…

Cuando yo muera…
Quiero que sigas de pie…
Y no te dejes caer…

Cuando yo muera y expire…

Quiero que busques las rosas mas lindas…
Y que las dejes en mi tumba pero antes de dejarlas allí…

Eligué una y regala la a la persona que mas ames…

Toma otra y entregársela a aquella persona que con indiferencia siempre veías pasar y con la que nunca tuviste algún trato…

¿Para que? Quiero que conozcas gente y entables nuevas amistades…

La próxima rosa…

Quiero que se al des a tu madre…
Para que ella vea que significa mucho para ti…
Y cuando se la obsequies déle cuanto la quieres…

Tomo otra rosa y entregarla a la persona que mas odias…

¿Que irónico no? Solo deseo que aprendas a librarte del rencor…

Y a la otra rosa…

Entregársela al cuidador del cementerio…

¿Para que? Solo agradecerle por cuidar todas aquellas almas que descansan en paz...
Y por vigilar que nadie interrumpa sus sueños…

Y cuando quede una sola rosa…

Ahí recién deja la en mi tumba…
Y voy a dejar que una gaviota venga y la agarre y salga volando dejando caer algunos pétalos, los cuales adornaran mi lapida fría…

Cuando yo termine de vivir…
Quiero que mires las estrellas y busques la mía…
Quiero que te adueñes de ella y cada noche cuando la observes me recuerdes y sepas que fuiste alguien importante para mi.

Siempre busca la excelencia no la perfección.  ¡Los Amo!

Cristina Rodríguez

Thursday, August 8, 2013

The Cancer Horror Continues…

On July 2, 2013 my doctor’s appointment was full of disappointment, Cancer levels showed once more in my blood results, but a biopsy would be needed to confirm that cancer had come back.  All that was going through my mind at that moment was “again” please Lord not again!  My biopsy ultrasound was scheduled to be done on July 23, 2013, I had some more blood work done and now all I could do is wait and pray the blood results were off or something was wrong with the results, but in back of my mind I knew it was true.

 

July 23, 2013 I took the day off from work to have my biopsy, I showed up at radiology and to my surprise the girl at the check in counter tells me that my biopsy has been cancelled and to go to the doctor’s office in the next building.  I was worried that the recent blood work I had done showed up horribly wrong and for some reason the biopsy was not able to be done, but that was not it at all; the doctor didn't show up for my procedure.  I was rescheduled for in 2 more weeks.  The waiting continues…

 

August 6, 2013 took the day off from work to get biopsy done; those procedures are painful and I was not going to show up to work after and be uncomfortable for all those hours.  I showed up wishing the doctor would show up and to get this terrible waiting process out of the way.  I check in, everything seems to be as planned and on time.  I go into the procedure room and half the biopsy has been completed; the doctor takes a few slides and tells me to hang in tight that he’s going to go check on the results of the slide and if it’s positive for Cancer he won’t continue pocking me with those dreadful needles.  He leaves; I cry and am full of anxiety while my son Alexandro is out in the lobby waiting, my fiancé Alejandro holds me tight and tells me everything is going to be alright.  I don’t know what is coming; its seemed like he was gone for hours but it was only in my imagination.  He comes back and states that the lymph node is negative and we will continue taking more slides.   He leaves and the waiting continues.  When he comes back it’s confirmed; cancer cells have been found and next step is treatment.  He wants to refer me to surgery.  I will not do it again.   I have had surgery 5 times and nothing is working.  Have not been cancer free for more than 2 years, something else needs to be done and surgery is not the first on my list.

 

Upcoming appointment is on August 12, 2013 to consult with a physician to get qualified for medical Marijuana through the state of NM and begin with "The Cannabis Treatment" to cure this CANCER!  I’m fed up with these doctors who don’t help get rid of it, I am done with man-made medicines, radiations, and surgeries!  May the Lord be with me and guide me to good health in this new treatment journey.  Please keep me in your prayers and I will keep in touch with treatment updates and outcomes. 

On August 28, 2013 I will be seeing my NEW doctor, Dr. Edwards; after all the horrible experiences, I'm switching to a different Endocrinology practice. Sending good vibes my way is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks for reading...

Psalm 27:1

"The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?"Psalm 27:1

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