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Friday, April 9, 2010

Death Survivor...

The reason is unknown, but my life has not been easy. I know I should not complain because truly I have had wonderful miracles provided to me, and I am grateful everyday. When things go so terribly wrong in my life I always decide to think back to those who are not as fortunate as me and are probably going through worse things in life. I do sometimes stop to think of why I have gone through so much in my life throughout the years.

Back on May 5, 2008, I was 25 years old asking my self Cristina you are 25 years old and you still have not competed any of the goals you have set for yourself. You still don't have that prince charming to come and rescue you and take you under his shining armor. All the relationships you've had have failed; You give 100% of yourself to make it work and make your partner happy, but at the end it was always you who ended up losing. All my life I have strive to survive of being unloved by my mother, father, and all the partners that have came in and out of my life. I have tried my best to bring up my child on my own and show him all that I can be.

On June 2, 2005 I started to get severe stomach cramping, those you feel when you think you're going to die. I could no longer take the pain, so I called it quits. I went to my bosses office and asked to go home. I left, picked up my son from daycare, after that I totally lost track of what happened or how I even got home. All I remember is waking up and feeling pain all over my body, and a weakness that I had never felt before; I could not even walk. I truly felt like I was going to die, I was so scared for my son; he was only 4 years old. The two of us lived alone so in case of an emergency, he would be alone if something happened to me. I was terrified of dying and leaving my son home alone. the only thing I knew was I had to get my self up to call his grandma. I actually crawled from my room to the living room to get to the phone, I could not get up to walk I was too weak; I could not even talk. I picked up the receiver and called Lupe my son's grandmother, I said Lupe I am dying and if you do not hear from me please come and pick up my son; she could not even understand what I was saying because my words were mumbled.

After I hung up with her I looked at the date and time on the phone, I had slept for a week since I had got home from work that day; I was totally out of it for an entire week! I was like how is that possible is this date wrong? Ten minutes later my brother-in-law knocked at the door and my son answered the door, I was passed out on the floor; he carried me to the truck and rushed me to urgent care. When we got there they took me in right away! I was put to an IV and was asked to lay and sit while they checked my blood pressure, it was too low. They took some labs and my blood levels were way out of range; my blood count was at -4 they said I was septic and that if I would have waited two more hours to be seen, I would have died. They called the ambulance and rushed me to Presbyterian Hospital; there they put eleven bags of IV until finally I started to get my strength back. At work everyone thought I had quit because I had not shown up or called in; I felt so bad but what could I do? It was not something I could have controlled.

Two days passed and I felt a little better; on the third day I was in the bathroom combing my hair and all of a sudden I lost my eye sight for about 1 minute. That totally freaked me out! I got so worried. I started to feel nausea and light headed; after about 5 minutes I fainted, good thing I fell on the bed or that would have hurt like a son of a gun! When I came to my senses I called my father and asked him to take me to the ER, I explained what had happened a few days prior and that I was concerned. It took my father about 45 minutes to get to my house, it took a while for them to take me in. After my father complained to the nurses that they were taking too long and told them that I as getting pale, they took me in. They took me in for an MRI after a few hours the doctor came in and said Cristina you have a brain tumor. I was in shock and literally I didn't know what I was going to do; I asked the doctor so what do I do? How do I get better? Where do I go? Please help me I don't want to die? My father started to cry; this cold hearted personality man who I had never seen tears on his eyes, not even when my grandma died. So many things passed through my mind while I lay there in that cold ER room. The first thing I thought of was my son, if I died who would take care of him? I don't wish this feeling on anyone not even my worst enemy!

My father called my mother and she came down from Denver the next day. I was out of work for about 2 weeks. The week I slept without knowledge and the second week my primary care doctor gave me to rest of the week to get better from all the pain and trauma I had been through.

As soon as I was released from the hospital I started to analyze and try to figure out what I was going to do and how to begin to fight this! I went to go see a general surgeon; he was the scariest doctor I have ever met in my life. He said I would have to have my head completely open and have the scull sawed to get to the brain; that I could die during the surgery and that it was a truly high risk surgery. I was totally in shock and cried my self to sleep. I didn't know who would take care of my son Alexandro while I as going through all these or if I would even be there after to see him grow up. This was a truly hard and difficult time, but yet I still took time to stay positive, laugh and smile with my friends.

My brain surgery was done on November 28, 2005 I had to be in the hospital at 5:00 a.m. the night before I decided to leave my son at my cousins so he would not be running around the hospital; that good bye was the worst ones of my life. I had to explain to him why he had to stay and I even brought myself to tell him that if for some reason God didn't want us to see each other again that I loved him and that I would be watching over him always! He cried and said mommy but why do you have to take that ball out of your brain, can't you just leave it there mommy? I'm scared! I said baby I'm scared too, but we are going to pray with all of hearts for everything to come out well and soon we will be see each other again. After an hour of crying and saying goodbye I finally brought myself to leave and go home and get everything ready for the big day. I got home and I could not sleep, I laid down and would just cry. So many things passed through my mind and that was my baby Alex, why if I never saw him again? If I was no longer here would he turn out to be a good human being like I wish for him to be? I was truly scared. Cesar my boyfriend at that time hugged me and said Cristi everything is going to turn out fine; then we both started crying.

The clock hit 4:00 a.m. and we got up brushed our teeth and went to pick up my mom and dad. When we got to the hospital my fear grew more and more, the halls seemed cold and I started to get truly nervous. They put me in a small room and asked me to remove all my clothing and to put on the hospital robe. After changing all I could do was cry, I was really nervous; this was going to be my first surgery ever, and brain surgery at that, so I didn't know what to expect. Only two people could be in the room with me so my mom and dad took turns since I didn't want Cesar to leave, I was too scared. When the nurse came in she said are you ready? My response was no way! The nurse saw me crying and the tension I felt was expressed on my face; she said Cristina I am going to give you a medicine that is going to make you feel better and will help relax you. After she injected the medication even though my mind was still tense, my body felt total relaxation. One thing for sure is that the medication didn't stop me from crying and feeling scared. About 10 minutes passed and the medication had already started to kick in, the nurse came back and said OK Cristina it's time. I said my good byes to Cesar, my father, and my mother; I told them how much I love them.

The bed started to move and I got chills throughout my entire body. We went through the coldest and darkest hallway I have ever seen in my life. This hallway led to the operating room; entering the room I was amazed on how big it was. There was a huge table covered in knifes and a big saw; that was an awkward experience, it was a bit scary for a person like me that was about to have surgery to see. The nurses introduced themselves; one of them said Cristina I will be the one who will be by your side throughout you entire surgery and when you wake up; she hold my hand and said everything will be just fine. They started to hook me up to all the monitors and wires. Dr. Barron and Dr. Levy both smiled at me and said OK we are ready; they put a mask on me and asked to start counting backwards from one-hundred. I think I dowsed off at bout 89 because that is all I remember.

That sleep was the most amazing sleep, the best I have ever had in my life; the weired part was that I dreamed I walked through that dark and cold hallway and passed by the lobby where my family was waiting for me. That is all I remember from being asleep. Nine hours later I was in the recovery room asleep; Cesar woke me up and said mija wake up mi amor. I could feel someone shacking me but I could not wake up. When I opened my eyes all the pain rushed to my head and nose; I felt like a train had ran over me, it was awful. I had tubes in my nose and lots of gos it hurt like a bitch, pardon my french. My father, mother, and uncle walked in, but I really didn't pay attention to them; I was in too much pain! Ten minutes later I received a phone call, it was my boss and friends from work, they wanted to say hi and let me know they were all praying for me. I felt truly special and loved.

About 2 hours later, they move me into a room; when I got settled in my mother was crying, but I didn't truly know why; I was doing OK, there really was no reason to be crying. Later that day I received two dozen white and red roses on a beautiful purple vase; there was five balloons attached as well that said get well soon! On the card it sad hope you get better love you always Jesus & Alexandro, we love you! I don't know how Jesus found out what hospital I was in, but I was happy and grateful he thought of me during those tough times.

Later that evening my doctors came in to see me, the first thing they said was Cristina you are a miracle. I just smiled but didn't know what they meant by it! After I found out about the news I was totally shocked and so grateful to be here; I also know I have to be here for a reason, I still don't know what it is yet but I sure will figure it out. My surgery was eight hours long; towards the end of my surgery I started to leave this world. I was dying; the doctors tried to bring me back but it wouldn't work, they gave up! Dr. Levy went out and told my family I had died and that they were really sorry but there was nothing they could do. My family was devastated! When they went back to the room to unhook the monitor and wires, my heart beat came back and I was back to this world. This explains the terrible bruises I had on my chest! I started to cry when I was told all this, I could not believe it could be true; I died for about 15 minutes; and I do not remember what I saw. I think that was when I thought I was dreaming and went through the hallway and into the lobby to see my family. God wanted me here for a reason; this I know. My doctors were totally amazed and stated they would never forget my name or what happened.

I spent nine days at Saint Anthony's Hospital. I still had tubes in my nose, staples on my head where they had latched my head so it wouldn't move, and the oxygen mask was so uncomfortable. Finally I was released from the hospital, but I had to continue to be with the tubing in my nose for 3 more weeks. Most of my time I was out of it; I was in so much pain. The only thing that would help the pain was percocets; if I didn't take them all I would do is cry and when I did take them all I would do is sleep. The pain was worth it because I knew that I was alive.

Three weeks passed and it was time to remove the tubing I was scared of the pain. My son Alex would give me a hug and if he touched just a little bit of my nose I thought I was going to die! There was tubes sewed onto the inside walls of my nose which was very painful. I would think of the pain I was going to feel when they were removed. Just how I expected it was going to be; it was! I got to the doctors office and when they called my name I said to my self here we go. I begged the doctor to knock me out but he just laughed and said no Cristina you have to be awake for this. Dr. Barron got the pliers, scissors, and some clips and started to cut the stitches from the inside that were attached to the walls of the nose, then he said are you ready for the tubes to be pulled off? I of course said. "No put me to sleep first" here we go he said. I yelled very loud they heard me all the way to the lobby! It was very painful, but after it was over I felt a great relief. After the tubes were removed I had to spray saline solution in my nose to avoid infection.

The brain tumor was removed through my nose; no open head surgery like they had said here in Albuquerque. Denver Doctors are the best and have saved my life in so many ways! The tumor turned out to be Begin, and my migraine headaches went away. I no longer had fainting spells or loss of eye sight, I was back to my old self again. Life was awesome! God is kind and I thank him for my life everyday...

God bless you, never give up! I know that things may seem like they never get better, but with faith and inter strength we can triumph. As for me I triumph against death, I am a miracle. Peace be with you and God Bless.

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Psalm 27:1

"The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?"Psalm 27:1

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