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Monday, July 26, 2010

Trying to keep going...

Through the hands of Jesus Christ I will prevail; I know we go through tough times to test our faith and I have faith that God will help me through them. I have heard many don’t tell God how big your problem is, tell your problem how big God is. I pray with all my heart that some day I can be comfortable so I don’t have to struggle to make ends meet every single month and to stop living paycheck by paycheck. I’m not asking to be rich I just want to be able to survive without all the stress of either being able to eat or having to pay a bill. I know God will help me through it because I am a believer!

I have been really depressed lately, but I have been trying to break the tie with going to mass every Sunday and getting closer to God. I have been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things like reading inspirational and self help books to make my mind more at ease. I remember when I was younger I used to talk about like my problems were nothing, just a simple piece of cake. People used to say to me Cristina are you seeing a therapist? Um no why? I’m ok I have dealt with my issues since I was a kid all on my own. I guess now that I am 28 years old all those things that I thought I was dealing with all on my own just got stored up and bottled up some where deep in my soul.

I don’t know if Jesus wants something of me or if he is haunting or tormenting me because every time I try to have resignation and try to move forward to leave my life as normal as I see possible I see him in my dreams or a song I have not heard in years comes on the radio like saying Cristina remember me? I don’t know what else to do! I have prayed for his soul to be in peace, he’s family and I have asked for several masses to be given in his name. I have lit him candles to help him rest in peace, but he is still here somewhere not letting me go! All I can do is to continue to pray for his soul to rest in peace, and to let me live at peace until it is my time to reunite by his side.

My little Alexandro is in counseling now because he can’t deal with the pain of losing two father figures in such a short time; he will not talk to me about his feelings so I guess this was the only way I can try to help him cope. I have tried my best to help him deal with the pain and made myself available to him if he ever needs to talk, but I know he won’t because he see’s I am trying to deal with my own pain. I have a very smart little boy, and I thank God for him everyday, because without him I would have died years ago.


  1. Hey Cristina, I don't feel that you are being "haunted" or that you don't deserve to give your problems up to God.

    Jesus HAS moved on, and while I do feel that everyone leaves a little something behind, I think that's just because they lived in this world and put their energy and personalities out there. It will be a long road getting over him, but it's not so much "getting over" as it is being able to live with what you have of him in your memories and having your days go forward.

    I think the saying "don’t tell God how big your problem is, tell your problem how big God is" is nice, but I don't think it works for most things. I think if you are having a rotten day and nothing is going your way, yes, you say to that crappy day, "My God is bigger than this!" But when you are getting over losing two men who were important to you and your son, don't be afraid to ask God for help! He knows what you are going through and he will give you peace. God cares about even the tiniest things in your life, and you being in mourning is no tiny thing. God wants you to talk to him. Every time you feel down you need to dig deeper into prayer, even if you are in the middle of working. Just start talking to God and ask him for strength to get through. It's the little steps.

    As for your son, just continue to pray for him. It's hard to imagine what it's like for a kid to be going through all that, but the best thing you can do is trust in God.

    You will be taken care of!

  2. I do not know what to say except hang in there and keep faith you are already in the right path by putting your faith in God, if you ever need to talk to someone feel free to email me or contact me in any way possible.

  3. You all right? Haven't heard from you in a while!


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Psalm 27:1

"The Lord is my light and my salvation – whom shall I fear?The Lord is the stronghold of my life – of whom shall I be afraid?"Psalm 27:1

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