A Ghost between two worlds...

I'm sitting here thinking about my past and the great loss I have experienced, and in which I can not get over. I can not hide the pain, I can not love no more; I am just kidding my self. I miss my Chuy with all my heart, I think about him everyday and can't help feeling sad. I know everyone says I should move forward, but I can't. Even though I now have a boyfriend I can not love him; I have tried and I just can't!

Everything around me reminds me of what is no longer here and I can't confront this pain, I just want to stand up and scream to the top of my lungs. I know I can not stop feeling this pain that is killing me inside, but I know deep down it is going to end up hurting me more and more. Without notice I end up saying his name or remembering something he said or did and I don't click until I have already done it.

Maybe I am crazy, but the other night I felt truly sad remembering the good times and the great love we felt for each other. In the middle of the night while I cried myself to sleep, I felt a hand touch mine, I opened my eyes and no one was there, I closed my eyes once more and felt a hand caress my forehead. That touch felt like Jesus, I wish he were here. I miss him so much; all I can do now is pray for his soul to rest and for the pain to ease and for God to give me the strength to keep going forward until the day when we can be together again comes. I know we will be together again in heaven just that the wait is to hard to bare!