I have been really depressed lately, but I have been trying to break the tie with going to mass every Sunday and getting closer to God. I have been trying to keep my mind occupied on other things like reading inspirational and self help books to make my mind more at ease. I remember when I was younger I used to talk about like my problems were nothing, just a simple piece of cake. People used to say to me Cristina are you seeing a therapist? Um no why? I’m ok I have dealt with my issues since I was a kid all on my own. I guess now that I am 28 years old all those things that I thought I was dealing with all on my own just got stored up and bottled up some where deep in my soul.
I don’t know if Jesus wants something of me or if he is haunting or tormenting me because every time I try to have resignation and try to move forward to leave my life as normal as I see possible I see him in my dreams or a song I have not heard in years comes on the radio like saying Cristina remember me? I don’t know what else to do! I have prayed for his soul to be in peace, he’s family and I have asked for several masses to be given in his name. I have lit him candles to help him rest in peace, but he is still here somewhere not letting me go! All I can do is to continue to pray for his soul to rest in peace, and to let me live at peace until it is my time to reunite by his side.
My little Alexandro is in counseling now because he can’t deal with the pain of losing two father figures in such a short time; he will not talk to me about his feelings so I guess this was the only way I can try to help him cope. I have tried my best to help him deal with the pain and made myself available to him if he ever needs to talk, but I know he won’t because he see’s I am trying to deal with my own pain. I have a very smart little boy, and I thank God for him everyday, because without him I would have died years ago.
