Kicking cancers ASS!

I'm Kicking cancers ASS! From May of 4.1 to September <0.09 NEGATIVE!!! And that was all me because I still don't have a doctor!!! Still not totally confirmed by a physician but I think cancer is minimizing according to my blood results, exciting news for me and my family...

This is all thanks to my Lord who is my great physician and is helping me fight this with his wonderful medicine MARIJUANA & CANNABIS OIL!!! In little as 2 months this awesome plant has started to cure me...

I'm stool not out of the woods, but I have more faith now than ever... I am very grateful and happy, I believe in God & know he will let me win this fight once again! Thanks to you in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

FRUSTRATED With a capital F

On August 26, 2013 I was scheduled to see Dr. Edwards. I was really nervous to see a new doctor; the appointment lasted a little over an hour. It seemed like he really knows his stuff and my anxiety calmed down a little after talking to him. Dr. Edwards mentioned he could place me on a hormone to help control my low calcium and high thyroid levels; he said, he needed to look at my file with more detail and that he would get back to me on Tuesday; said that if I didn’t hear from him by that day to call his office on Wednesday. I left with a spark of hope that he was the one; the one that would help me through this torment I have been going through in order to get my cancer treatments going.

August 27, 2013 I waited for a call and nothing.

August 28, 2013 I called the office just like Dr. Edwards had suggested, I was told he was not in the office and they took a message. Later that morning Dr. Edwards called; he declined to be my doctor, he told me my case was too complicating and that I would have to continue seeing Dr. Galagan. He said he consulted with Dr. Galagan and that they both agreed this would be the best way to get treated. (Treated??? What treatment??? I haven’t even started on a treatment!!!!) Dr. Edwards said Dr. Galagan informed him that he had mentioned to me the same hormone he suggested of which he did NOT!!!! (Bullshit lies) Also that he told him I had missed an appointment with him, which is not true either; they never called me to schedule it and never returned my calls when I would call them.

I have no idea why he would make (this SHIT) up, but it is what it is I guess!!!!! I informed him I am having a hard time with Dr. Galagan’s office calling me back or helping me that this was the reason I paid him my New Patient COPAY and decided to see him and make him my doctor; he didn’t seem to care of what I had to say, he just told me to call their office and harass them to make me an appointment. I called Dr. Galagan’s office; I complained I needed to be seen soon, that they never called to make me my follow up appointment after my biopsy. After yelling and arguing with them I got in on a cancellation they had for September 3, 2013.

September 3, 2013 so today was the day I was supposed to see Dr. Galagan; I came into work and had a missed call on my cell then I logged into my computer and I had an email on MyChart and there was a notice my appointment for TODAY had been cancelled. I went back to the cellphone voicemail and it was to inform me my appointment was cancelled due to Dr. Galagan calling in for the entire week. WOW what news!!! This has been going on for the past 6 months!!!!! So it’s Tuesday September 3, 2013 and I still don’t have an appointment or a doctor that is willing to help me out!!!!!

Tomorrow September 4, 2013 I have a healing scheduled for several hours with two Curandera healers; maybe with the help of my Lord they can help me out because it seems like the doors are closing in on me and these doctors don’t want to help me out!!!!

I am starting to lose control of myself and my feelings…

It feels like there are just too many obstacles in my way.

One thing they cannot take away from me is my FAITH!!!!

CUANDO YO MUERA

Cuando yo muera…
No quiero que llores…
Sino mas bien que te alegres…
Ya que estaré en paz…

Cuando yo muera…
Quiero que sigas de pie…
Y no te dejes caer…

Cuando yo muera y expire…

Quiero que busques las rosas mas lindas…
Y que las dejes en mi tumba pero antes de dejarlas allí…

Eligué una y regala la a la persona que mas ames…

Toma otra y entregársela a aquella persona que con indiferencia siempre veías pasar y con la que nunca tuviste algún trato…

¿Para que? Quiero que conozcas gente y entables nuevas amistades…

La próxima rosa…

Quiero que se al des a tu madre…
Para que ella vea que significa mucho para ti…
Y cuando se la obsequies déle cuanto la quieres…

Tomo otra rosa y entregarla a la persona que mas odias…

¿Que irónico no? Solo deseo que aprendas a librarte del rencor…

Y a la otra rosa…

Entregársela al cuidador del cementerio…

¿Para que? Solo agradecerle por cuidar todas aquellas almas que descansan en paz...
Y por vigilar que nadie interrumpa sus sueños…

Y cuando quede una sola rosa…

Ahí recién deja la en mi tumba…
Y voy a dejar que una gaviota venga y la agarre y salga volando dejando caer algunos pétalos, los cuales adornaran mi lapida fría…

Cuando yo termine de vivir…
Quiero que mires las estrellas y busques la mía…
Quiero que te adueñes de ella y cada noche cuando la observes me recuerdes y sepas que fuiste alguien importante para mi.

Siempre busca la excelencia no la perfección.  ¡Los Amo!

Cristina Rodríguez

The Cancer Horror Continues…

On July 2, 2013 my doctor’s appointment was full of disappointment, Cancer levels showed once more in my blood results, but a biopsy would be needed to confirm that cancer had come back.  All that was going through my mind at that moment was “again” please Lord not again!  My biopsy ultrasound was scheduled to be done on July 23, 2013, I had some more blood work done and now all I could do is wait and pray the blood results were off or something was wrong with the results, but in back of my mind I knew it was true.

 

July 23, 2013 I took the day off from work to have my biopsy, I showed up at radiology and to my surprise the girl at the check in counter tells me that my biopsy has been cancelled and to go to the doctor’s office in the next building.  I was worried that the recent blood work I had done showed up horribly wrong and for some reason the biopsy was not able to be done, but that was not it at all; the doctor didn't show up for my procedure.  I was rescheduled for in 2 more weeks.  The waiting continues…

 

August 6, 2013 took the day off from work to get biopsy done; those procedures are painful and I was not going to show up to work after and be uncomfortable for all those hours.  I showed up wishing the doctor would show up and to get this terrible waiting process out of the way.  I check in, everything seems to be as planned and on time.  I go into the procedure room and half the biopsy has been completed; the doctor takes a few slides and tells me to hang in tight that he’s going to go check on the results of the slide and if it’s positive for Cancer he won’t continue pocking me with those dreadful needles.  He leaves; I cry and am full of anxiety while my son Alexandro is out in the lobby waiting, my fiancé Alejandro holds me tight and tells me everything is going to be alright.  I don’t know what is coming; its seemed like he was gone for hours but it was only in my imagination.  He comes back and states that the lymph node is negative and we will continue taking more slides.   He leaves and the waiting continues.  When he comes back it’s confirmed; cancer cells have been found and next step is treatment.  He wants to refer me to surgery.  I will not do it again.   I have had surgery 5 times and nothing is working.  Have not been cancer free for more than 2 years, something else needs to be done and surgery is not the first on my list.

 

Upcoming appointment is on August 12, 2013 to consult with a physician to get qualified for medical Marijuana through the state of NM and begin with "The Cannabis Treatment" to cure this CANCER!  I’m fed up with these doctors who don’t help get rid of it, I am done with man-made medicines, radiations, and surgeries!  May the Lord be with me and guide me to good health in this new treatment journey.  Please keep me in your prayers and I will keep in touch with treatment updates and outcomes. 

On August 28, 2013 I will be seeing my NEW doctor, Dr. Edwards; after all the horrible experiences, I'm switching to a different Endocrinology practice. Sending good vibes my way is greatly appreciated. 

Thanks for reading...

Happy Birthday Chuy 2013

When you truly love someone, your heart and mind never forget! Even after death separates you the power of love keeps pumping through your veins and the memories never erase from your mind! As yesterday, as today, and as tomorrow I shall love you till the last breath of my life and even after. Happy birthday my love... Sr. Jesus Manuel Nevarez Cruz RIP I miss u. 02/17/73-10/13/2009

Dream not yet reached...

Who are we in this world, Ghosts? Sometimes I feel I don’t or can’t move with each day that passes.   I am filled with ghosts from my pass; things no matter how much I try I can never forget.  People I miss that are no longer with me; things I have always dreamt about but no matter how hard I try I can never accomplish…

 

They say money can’t buy you happiness, I don’t totally agree or disagree but I do know that with money many things can be accomplished and if you don’t have it, you will have to strive harder and suffer longer.  I appreciate the things I have because there are people way much less unfortunate than myself and yes I feel blessed by God for all I have and for all that I am, but sometimes I get so sad that because of having no money I can’t finish my college degree…

 

Being a single mother is not easy, but I love my son and would give everything that I am to see him happy.  No matter how hard I try to get back into school the more money I owe, I feel I am drowning in debt and although I don’t lose my sleep over things I cannot change in one day it makes me sad I am one semester away from my dream, my dream of obtaining my college degree and I can’t finish it due to being broke.

 

I don’t know how or why God does the things that he does, but I do know they are for something greater; to learn from life to build a purpose for living.  I just can’t stop thinking that If I had never got cancer I would now have my degree and have a better job to give my son everything he deserves and to be able to have a college fund for him, but unfortunately I am stuck and I don’t know what to do.

 

I had to drop out of my classes since 2011 for cancer treatments and surgeries and that was when it all started happening; the classes I had to drop during that semester were charged and they didn’t charge them off my loans and now to get back in I have to pay $6000 out of my own pocket; that fulfillment is unreachable to me right now and it makes me angry.

 

I have to find a solution but don’t know where to start and don’t have the money, all my time and energy go to my work to support my son, pay my mortgage and all the other bills.  I search and apply for scholarships but nothing happens.

 

It was nice to vent…

Maldito Cancer

Maldito mal!
que te pegas con mortal veneno sin mirar a quièn.
¡Maldito ères!,
puès cual vampiro te llevas el alma adsorbida en pedazos de quièn no conoces.
¡Maldito! ¡Maldito! ¡Maldito...!
Tù no miras..., solo arrasas con tu furia.
Alma que vès, alma que te llevas.
¡Dime.... Maldito!
Solo muy pocos de tì se han librado, y siii..... de tì y en tu cara se han burdado.
Poco tiempo ès el que te queda pues tu nombre està maldito.
Pero todavìa habra quienes te mirèn a los ojos y se burlèn en tu cara......
No te llevaràs mi alma maldito infernal, esta vez no podràs.....
Pelaire hasta el final y si llegaras a ganar...
Te llevaras mi cuerpo pero no mi alma ni las batallas que te di...
Eres Maldito!

Feliz Navidad...

12 de Diciembre 2011                                          

Querido Santa,

Este año te pido felicidad y mucha salud para mi hijo Alexandro; que esta navidad la luz de dios lo iluminé y le brinde muchas bendiciones.  Para Alejandro te pido un trabajo estable para los dos poder estar bien. Para mi familia y todos mis amigos te pido que les brindes muchísimo amor, salud, abundancia y que el trabajo no les falte y para mi solo te pido que el trabajo no me falte y que mi salud no falle para poder seguir trabajando y cuidando de mi casa y mi hijo; tambien muchos años de vida para todos los que amo para poder tener los muchos años mas a mi lado.   Gracias y Feliz Navidad Dios los bendiga :-)

Frustrada......

No entiendo porque la vida tiene que ser tan difícil, ay muchos que lo tienen bien fácil y aun se quejan.  La vida es color de rosa para muchos y ni aun así están satisfechos y uno que batalla para salir adelante se conforma con solo estar bien.

Siempre he dicho que las cosas pasar por algo pero quisiera saber el porque es la razón.  Ahora creo que la muerte es fácil y vivir es difícil.  Mi única razón de seguir viviendo es mi hijo, si no fuera por el, el cáncer fuera Ganado hace mucho.  Alomejor lo malo que me pasa es para que mi hijo apprenda que ay que luchar y no dar se por vencido, lo malo de todo esto que el sufre mucho cuando me ve mal y me da mucha tristeza que el pase por todo esto.

A vezes me siento tal mal y tan estressada que quisiera que ya fuera el fin del mundo para que se terminara tanto sufriemeinto, y violencia que ay en el mundo para reunirnos con dios y todos nuestros seres queriedos que nos esperan en el cielo.  Avezes quisera gritar lo mas fuerte que pueda para sacar este coraje que tengo de tanto dolor y sufrimiento.

Solo espero que algún día llegue paz a mi vida otra vez.  Y si ay alguien que tiene que estar enferma en mi familia prefiero ser yo que alguien mas de mi familia, no le deseo esto a nadie a quien yo amo.

JESUS MANUEL NEVAREZ 1973-2009

DEDICADO PARA EL SENOR 

JESUS MANUEL NEVAREZ

RIP FEB 17, 1973-OCT. 13, 2009

2 Años de Anniversario 

Yo no estaba allí cuando llegó tu momento.

Llegue dos horas muy tarde para poder decir te que no te fueras y para decir te que siempre te amare…

Quisiera haber tenido tu mano en la mía

y agarrarte fuerte para no dejarte marchar,

para atraparte y decir cuanto te necesitamos,

decir te que me visitaras todos los días.

Pero te fuiste y tu mano no pude detener mientras tomabas tu ultimo aliento, tu gran mano no me dijo adiós.

Tesoro, corazón, todos los días te siento aunque no te puedo tocar.  Todos los días rezo por tu eterno descanso.

Te Extrañamos mucho y siempre estas en nuestros corazones…

Cristina Rodriguez y Alexandro Nevarez-Rodriguez

Diosito te tenga en su Santa Gloria Prieto.