Stressed Mother...

I am desperate for guidance; my son is still having issues and I feel I don’t know how to control it; I know he is hurting but I don’t know how to ease his pain because I too know how he feels, but it is causing me grief and stress.

Alex is now lying about everything. Little things like if he brushed his teeth, shampooed his hair, or did his homework; he is asked if he did them, and he says replies “yes mommy I finished everything” then I go see if the bottles have been moved and they are in the same spot; I check the backpack and journal is not done. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to punish him for lying because I read that punishing for lying will just cause more lying out of fear. So I am stuck! I guess it is back to trying to get a hold of the therapist again.

He was being seen by three counselors, two at school, and one private. I called one of the school therapists today and she informed me he refused to see her the last time she went to pick him up from class. I don’t know what to do; I don’t even know who my little boy is anymore. Before his father died he was such a normal and no problem kid. I’m stressed and I don’t know what to do.

Collision this morning ahhhh....

What to think about life…


Is it just me or is there someone like me that feels some days we are just floating in the air with no purpose? I was sent to Endocrinology and Oncology again because my blood levels do not want to normalize themselves.

Here we go again worrying about health issues; ahhh and on top of that I got rear ended this morning and now I am having back pain; so I am going to urgent care after I get off of work; it sucks!!!! When it comes to insurance I am so stupid she rear ended me and I gave her a check of $100 when the drivers father asked me to and they didn’t want to call 911 big mistake on my part or I am totally gullible ahhhh I am so bugged!!! I put a stop request on the check even though I had to pay $29 paying $29 is better than $100 on something I had no control over.


Did I mention I am totally bugged and there is still 15 minutes on the clock in order to be able to clock out and I still need to go to urgent care right after!!! Good thing today is not Thursday or I would be missing Grey’s Anatomy!!!

Santa Clause & Mrs. Clause 2010

Santa Clause and Mrs. Clause arrived in a helicopter today @ Presbyterian Hospital.  My little Alex was so excited to come down during my lunch hour to see him and verify that he has in deed received his letter this year; he in fact did and told him before he could even asked him LOL as you can see in the picture below the expression of shock of my dear son's face; like saying wow how did you know that!!! He told me mom this one is not the messenger this one is the real Santa; he knows about my letter.  Of course son this one is the real one :)  I love seeing my son soooo excited, it gives me a sense of warmth and happiness.

Just wanted to stop by to wish all my friends and fellow readers a very Merry Christmas; my our Lord bless each and everyone of you and your families.  May this Christmas Season be full of love, joy, faith,health, lots of family and friends!   God bless you and be safe...

Past Weekend 12/18-12/19

So this past weekend I went to The Tumbleweed Night Club to the dance of Alacranes Musical.  I had not been in that club for about 7 yrs; dang that is how long I had not been to a dance, I have been to concerts, but not dance clubs.  At first being in there was truly depressing for me because I used to go dancing there with Chuy when I was a teen, that was one of the places we spent our first dates, break-ups, and reconcilations.  I got so depressed I could'nt enjoy myself so I got drunk!  I am a cheap drunk, I am not used to drinking so I got drunk with 1 corona and 1 margaritta with this I was set. 

The drinks didn't erase the memories; they were still there, but I started to dance and sing.  It was an ok time, but I don't know if I could go back there...  I didn't really want to go, but my boyfriend Alejandro won tickets on the radio and he wanted to go, so I went. :)  Maybe if it were Los Rieleros del Norte I would of enjoyed myself more or to think about it I would have probably even got more depressed since alot of their songs bring back memories.

Dia de la Virgen de Guadalupe (Day of the Virgen of Gudalupe (Mary))

HERE ARE SOME OF THE PICTURES OF EL DIA DE LA VIRGEN DE GUADALUPE, IT WAS ON DEC 12, 2010

THIS IS THE DAY WHEN THE CATHOLIC CHURCH CELEBRATES HER DAY IN ORDER TO REMEMBER HER MIRIACLE AND TO GIVE THANKS FOR HER APPEARANCE TO JUAN DIEGO IN MEXICO. 

ALEX WAS ONE OF THE JUAN DIEGOS FOR THE STAGE PLAY; THANKS TO HIS TITI (GRANDMOTHER) FOR MAKING THE COSTUME... 

MY ALEJANDRO (BF) SANG TO HER WITH MARIACHIS; IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.  I HAVE A LOT OF FAITH IN HER, SHE HAS HELPED ME THROUGH SO MANY DIFFICULT TIMES AND SITUATIONS SINCE I WAS A KID.  I AM A FAITHFUL DEVOUTER TO HER AND OF COURSE TO OUR ONE AND ONLY LORD...

MAY SHE AND OUR LORD CONTINUE TO BLESS US ALL... AMEN

HIP HOP AWARD NIGHT!!!

SO ALEX WON ANOTHER  METAL LAST NIGHT!!! HE IS ON A ROLL 3 METALS IN 1 YR; SMART TALLENTED LITTLE BOY HE IS.  I JUST CAN'T STOP FEELING SO PROUD AND AMUSED HE IS MY LITTLE ANGEL :)  HERE ARE SOME MORE PICTURES FROM THE SHOW CASE AND FROM LAST NIGHT... HAVE A GOOD WEEKEND YALL, THIS WEEKEND I WILL BE BUSY WATHCING THE SOAP INDIA ON YOUTUBE LOL...

GOD BLESS,

PROUD MAMA

I am so proud to announce that my son Alexandro has been doing very good in his Hip-Hop classes; He had his very first show case on Dec.11 2010 at the Kiva @ the convention center.  He won 1st PLACE!!!! WOOT WOOT... We are also talking about getting into the Public Academy Performing Arts school for middle school through high school.  I mentioned it to him last night and he got really excited!!! I guess he is down...

I just want to support his dreams like my patent's never supported my Orchestra dreams when I was his age!  Alexandro is soooo smart and is getting through things better and better each day. His counseling is helping a lot; he has two at school and one @ private one.  He seems to look happier now, which makes me feel better too!  I hated seeing him depressed everyday.  This year he has gotten 2 metals and one 1st place trophy; he is supposed to get another metal tonight, I will keep you posted :)

CONGRATULATIONS MY BABY!!! LUV YA BABE, I AM SO PROUD OF YOU...

Review: Hands-On BIBLE

HANDS ON-BIBLE Produced By: Tyndale

$16.49 (Amazon price)
Language: English
ISBN 978-1-4143-3768-5
Trim Size: 5 1/2 x 8 1/2
Binding: Hardcover
Release: July 2010

This Hands-on Bible for children is awesome; it is a great way to get children to read the bible in simple terms they comprehend and understand; my 9 year old son has been reading it for several months now and has learned a lot about our Lord word. He is now on Samuel and has left me behind since I am still on Deuteronomy. This wonderful Bible has my child to have an easy bible study everyday; it also has a lot of hands on activities which are optional for our children to do and learn more of what our Lords word is all about.

This Bible can be purchased at the link below if you are interested:
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/141433768X/ref=cm_cr_error

1 Year Anniversary (1973-2009)

Chuy passed away at 36 years old
I was left destroyed and depressed
until the day comes for me to be by his side again, I will be happy again.
He was my first love,my first illusion, and the father of my son,
my friend, and my confident, but I still feel he is with me.

I dream of him almost every night like a sweet angel rounding and protecting us,
I know one day I will see him again in a perfect sun rise.
I want to think that until that day comes; he is always with me because I will always have him
in my heart and in my most sweet memories. There is not a single day that I don't think about him, or see him in the face of our son.

Please do not stop on his tomb to cry; he is not there because
he is the breeze that blows in the evenings of summer,
he is the diamond that shines on the snow when winter comes,
he is the light of the sun that illuminates my hair,
he is one of the so many beautiful stars that shine in the sky, and the huge moon that lights up the darkness of the night.

When the soft rain falls in the Fall; it's him.
In the morning when a breeze of wind caresses our face, it's him caressing us.
When we hear the birds singing in the Spring; it's him talking to us, trying to inspire us.
When from my window I see the sun set, I feel he is there smiling at us.
Everyday in all our moments; he is not there, he is here with us always.
When our day comes to leave this earth; he will be there to give us the beautiful welcome into a perfect heaven close to our Lord and our beautiful Virgen de Guadalupe!
One year has passed, and the pain still feels like if it were yesterday; we all miss and pray for your soul everyday my beloved Chuy...

Update that I am still alive…

I have not blogged in soooooo long; my life has been truly hectic. Lots of problems, one after the other, but I am still here trying to survive as we must. My depression has gotten worse and it gets me awfully mad at myself that I can not control it. Now I am also getting anxiety attacks, I am on celexa for depression and xanix for anxiety. I used to be able to handle life without drugs and now if I don’t take these two little pills I can’t get through the day.

Sadly my son has started therapy; I can no longer do it on my own to help him cope with the loss of two father figures plus everything else his seen through my sickness. He lost his biological father in October of 2009, and also Cesar another figure he once called dad in June 2010. He has depressed anxiety according to his therapist; he has now been to 2 sessions, his third one will be in September. I just hope we can deal with this before he gets older and gets to the point where I am now.

My poor baby has seen his parents go through a lot, and it is now affecting him in a way I didn’t notice before; he is not the kid I once knew, I too am not the same Cristina I remember. First it was because of my brain tumor in 2005, second dealing with my cancer in 2008 till this day still fighting it. Third the passing of Chuy his father in October 2009, and Fourth the passing of Cesar June 2010, plus my depression and anxiety as well. This is a lot to deal with for a 9 year old.

About 2 weeks ago he was crying, I went up to him to ask what was wrong; he said he prays to God to make him a better person, but that it never works! I was heart broken to hear those words come out of his mouth because I know he is an awesome kid. I said babe you are the greatest person I know, you have stood by my side through all my sickness and would not leave the hospital under any condition, you don’t do drugs, smoke, or in gangs; babe you are an awesome person. It hurts me deeply that he thinks these things have happened to him because he says he is a bad person. :(

To my readers I just ask that you send your good vibes our way and to pray for us; this will help our life a little easier to cope. Have a blessed day and God bless you!